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The Official FBI College Basketball Investigation Fantasy Draft

Let’s lean in to the absurdity.

NCAA Basketball: NCAA Tournament-Second Round-Michigan vs Louisville Thomas Joseph-USA TODAY Sports

No one knows what’s next for college basketball. All we know is that it probably won’t be good.

There’s going to be a head-spinning amount of upheaval as more details emerge about the FBI’s investigation into how money reaches prized recruits via financial advisers, agents, and shoe companies. A handful of names have already come through. You can bet your bottom dollar that more will be revealed soon.

Levity will be important in these turbulent times.

We don’t know what the future of this deeply flawed sport is going to look like. Sometimes the only thing you can do is try to find something to laugh at.

That’s something we can do.

Like all of you, we will be waiting anxiously to see where the chips fall in this mess. Unlike all of you, we have designed a scoring system to quantify the damage. You’re welcome.

Yes, we are providing you with the tools to create a fantasy league between you and your friends, where you can draft schools (we recommend 10 each) that you think might get in trouble. The one whose teams suffer the most carnage will be victorious, and will look over the wreckage of this twisted landscape with some sense of satisfaction. Here’s how we score it.

THE SCORING SYSTEM:

  • Probation (per year): .25 points
  • Scholarship Restrcitions (per year): .5 points
  • Internal Investigation: .5 points
  • Decommitments (each): .5 points
  • Player ruled ineligible (each): 2 points
  • Postseason Ban (per year): 2 points
  • Fired Assistant: 3 points
  • Fired AD: 5 points
  • Fired Head Coach: 10 points
  • Fired University President: 20 points
  • Death Penalty: 50 points

As you can see, just about every bit of malfeasance is covered. If your team gets penalized in some way that isn’t listed above, they’re probably not in much trouble.

But here’s the rub.

We all know that Louisville is way ahead of the curve in this race. Rick Pitino is gone, and so is Tom Jurich, and so are recruits. It is the official opinion of the Mid-Major Madness Death Of College Basketball Fantasy Draft that in your league, Louisville should be excluded. But there are a host of other schools who have already been pinged, and as such, are already racking up points.

Thus, we have added a simple multiplier system. For instance, you shouldn’t be rewarded too much for drafting Oklahoma State, who has already lost an assistant coach and a recruit. Here’s are ingenious solution.

THE MULTIPLIER SYSTEM:

  • Teams already named in the investigation: .5 multiplier
  • Power conference teams: no multiplier
  • Mid-major teams: 2x multipler

You think a SWAC team is on the take and cash in a seventh-round pick that gets a postseason ban? All the credit in the world, enjoy those double points.

We’ve been monitoring the scoring already. Oklahoma State is in the lead (other than Louisville) with 1.75 points, thanks to the firing of Lamont Evans and the de-commitment of Antwann Jones. But Auburn, USC, Arizona, and Alabama are all in the hunt.

So gather your friends, set a draft date, and pick those rosters. Because if we can’t turn the upcoming storm into something fun, it’s going to be a huge drag.