Dikembe Dixson is your new favorite player

Remember that children’s book Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day? Twitter is basically that book, but instead of Alexander, it’s everyone, and instead of one terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day, it’s literally every single day.

Except for yesterday.

Prior to yesterday, I did not know who Dikembe Dixson was, because I actually don’t know anything about basketball (please don’t tell my boss). For the uninitiated, Dixson was the 2016 Horizon League Freshman of the Year (averaging 20 points and eight rebounds a night as a rookie is a pretty good resume). He was off to an even better sophomore campaign before an injury cut his season short.

While UIC was generally mediocre last season (17-19 on the year), there is reason to be excited with Dixson and Tai Odiase coming back. Kevin Sweeney pointed out that the Dixson/Odiase duo could be among the best in mid-major basketball.

Dixson agreed, because Dikembe Dixson rules.

Then a hater (and frenemy of this here website) decided to pop off.

GET HIM DIKEMBE, DRAG HIS ASS.

This rules. This is extremely my jam. This is what I LIVE for.

It is extremely satisfying when random fans decide to talk smack about a player with the expectations of never having the player see what they’re saying only to be publicly slammed. Dixson has Durant on his header picture, so maybe he’s paying homage to one of the great Twitter trash talkers of our generation.

I hope Dixson averages 40 points per game this season.

I hope he snatches souls every time he goes down the lane.

I hope UIC goes undefeated.

I hope after every game he tweets at the people who tried to guard him and calls them out on their failure.

I hope he goes full heel turn and insults the crowd before silencing them with a barrage of buckets.

Dikembe Dixson forever. He’s your favorite player now. No, you don’t get a choice in the matter. It’s just a fact.

And to anyone who thinks it’s a good idea to tweet at athletes and tell them that they’re bad? Follow the simple rules that govern Twitter dot com.