Remedial College Basketball: College football fans are late to class, so let’s catch them up

Alabama’s thrilling win over Georgia in the College Football Playoff championship game marked the end of yet another college football season. And with it, the dregs of society have finally noticed our nation’s greatest sport.

It’s time to catch them up. Welcome to Remedial College Basketball.

First of all, the bell rings promptly on the second Friday in November. Please do not be late to the season again. Normally I’d just mark you as absent, but I’ll let it slide. It’s disrespectful to your fellow students who got here on time. Next year, we might start even earlier, so set your alarms.

You’ll notice your fellow students have already taken plenty of notes — you’ve missed about half the damn class period, after all. The main topic we covered was Trae Young, a national phenomenon that has dumped buckets on states from Oregon to Texas. National guards have been left helpless while Young has assisted fellow storms in blowing away the competition. Tune in to see him whenever you can.

The top position in the nation has seen turnover like never before, with Villanova (BE-PA) taking back the post from Michigan State (B1G-MI) just yesterday, and Duke (ACC-NC) owning it before that. Who has the most credible claim to the throne? It’s hard to say. But surprisingly, figures like Arizona State, Texas Tech, and West Virginia have better cases than you might think.

Now I’m not going to lie to you: it hasn’t been easy around here. In fact, everyone in the country has taken a loss or two. Of course you’d know that if you weren’t busy following a sport where the regular season doesn’t matter for many teams. Thankfully, all but one of us has also won a game.

Since you signed up for this particular course, you must know that we tend to focus here on those who don’t get the attention they deserve. The 99 percent (or, more accurately, 70 percent) of the college basketball world, if you will. You’ve missed a lot there, too. Our friends in Spokane are still players on the national stage, but now their rivals in Moraga have joined them. In fact, even here at Mid-Major Madness, we disagree on which team is better. A few things we have agreed on:

• Rhode Island is small but formidable.
• But nothing else in New England makes any sense at all.
• Civil War has broken out in New Mexico, where the Lobos have been dethroned as the best team in the state.
• One state away in Arizona, an upstart religious movement has converted thousands nationwide.
• A man named Pat Skerry has brought credibility to what was once a national laughingstock.
• Our troops are getting stronger by the day.
• Agitators in Fort Wayne continue to cause problems throughout the Hoosier State.
• A nomadic forward has found a new home among blue raiders in Tennessee.
• And some Star Wars shit happened.

So yeah, you’ve missed a lot. I hope you’re proud of yourself. I hope you enjoyed watching a sport that should probably be illegal, doesn’t give all of its teams a fair shot, and takes close to four hours to play. Sounds like a great use of your time.

Oh, and if this catchup wasn’t enough, ask someone else for help when exam time comes in March. We’re not helping you fill out a bracket if you didn’t care enough to get here on time.

Class dismissed.