Hungover highlights: Mason Peatling set all sorts of records last night and Tanner Groves killed a guy

You made some mistakes last night. We get it. You were out, had a few too many, one thing led to another. It happens. Your biggest sin? Going out in the first place and not watching Eastern Washington’s 146-89 (you read that right) win over NAIA Multnomah.

Some background: Multnomah is a small school in Portland with 335 undergraduates (roughly one football team’s worth of students). Famous alumni include Ferdinand Waldo Demara [citation needed] and a totally real author named Dan Kimball. The university offers multiple majors and pre-professional degree programs and has study abroad programs in Nashville, Los Angeles, and other exotic locales.

All this to say the Lions were never going to challenge a Division I program.

One really cool thing they had going for them, though: Multnomah holds the NAIA record for three-pointers taken in a game with 79 and three-pointers made in a game with 29. So things had the potential to get fun at least.

And get fun it did.

Ever want to see what a box score looks like for a team that wins by over 50 and still allows 89 points?

Multnomah made 21 threes and lost by 57. They were out-rebounded by 40. They have six players listed under 6 feet.

The game tape belongs in the Hall of Fame.

Mason Peatling was the star of the show. He scored 54 points (a season-high for anyone in Division I this season) and broke all sorts of school records along the way. The best highlight, however, came from Tanner Groves, who dunked Multnomah into oblivion. It ended up being the No. 1 play on Sports Center this morning.

I’m keeping my eye out for a GoFundMe set up in honor of No. 4 on Multnomah. I’ll link it here when I find it but for now, please keep him and his family in your thoughts.

I’m not going to spend two paragraphs deconstructing everything about this. You’ve seen awesome put-back dunks before and this is right up there with the best. Also, I can’t find a video with a high enough resolution to put a bunch of funny pictures in here that show various stages of Groves humiliating the other team. You’ll notice, however, that Groves is out around the three-point line when the initial shot is released. He then takes to the lane, crowded by ALL FIVE OPPOSING PLAYERS and makes every last one of them look ridiculous.

[googles how to tattoo a gif onto my own body]

On to Peatling. The guy who scored 54 points IN HIS FIRST 23 MINUTES OF PLAY. Or, as I so eloquently put it last night:

54 points. 24-30 shooting. ONE DAMN THREE-POINTER. FIVE DAMN FREE THROWS.

A quick list of the program records he and his teammates broke:

• Single-game scoring (54)
• Made field goals (24, also a Big Sky record)
• Field goal attempts (30)
• Points in a half (34)
• Team points (146, also a Big Sky record)
• Team field goals (59, also a Big Sky record)
• Team field goal attempts (93)
• Team rebounds (67)
• Team assists (39)

OK, wanna see Peatling’s highlights?

Bet you wish you stayed home to watch him instead of going out last night.