OFFSEASON CONTENT GENERATOR: Let’s look at some college basketball eBay memorabilia

Just because college athletes can’t keep or sell their uniforms and equipment, doesn’t mean you can’t buy them off the black market! The premise of this article is simple: we’ve found some truly ridiculous mid-major college basketball merchandise on the Internet for you to purchase.

1996 Valparaiso Mid-Continent Conference Championship Ring

Everyone remembers the legendary Valparaiso team that...lost 90-51 to Arizona in the First Round of the NCAA Tournament. No, this was not the famous Bryce Drew-led squad, but the Crusaders went 21-11 and won the Mid-Continent Conference Championship. That meant they got some hardware, which you can now purchase on eBay for a starting bid of $150.

$10,000 SWAROVSKI CRYSTAL BASKETBALL

That’s right folks, you can get a customizable crystal basketball for $10,000. Judging from their advertisement of a UTEP Miners crystal basketball (still 10 grand):

you can ask for whatever team you want! That’s right, if you want a Chicago State Swarovski Crystal basketball, you can buy it. Apparently, this is an offshoot of Rock on Sports, a business that does this professionally. Thorstein Veblen gets off on this stuff.

Vintage Authentic Wheaton College Basketball Jersey

Yes, I’m sure this Wheaton College jersey cost a huge amount of money to acquire and you are not getting ripped off whatsoever.

Various Mississippi Valley State Jerseys

All your Mississippi Valley State Delta Devils jersey needs are covered. For the ludicrously expensive price of $39.90, you can get classic replica Delta Devils jerseys! How exciting!

Ron Hunter Falling Off Chair Bobblehead

What better way to celebrate one of the greatest moments in site history than with this bobblehead! That shipping cost is a ripoff, by the way.

Pepperdine basketball pocket schedules

The cheapest items on the list are mid-90s Pepperdine Waves pocket schedules. You can find $0.99 pocket schedules for just about every college basketball team in existence. Collect them! Or don’t.

Iona College Game-Worn Jersey

$100 (after shipping) for a Rod Zamor jersey! Such a steal! I just looked on LinkedIn and Rod Zamor is currently working as a civil engineer. Sad to see that proceeds from his jersey likely will not be going to him.

Akron Zips Shorts

If you want to cosplay as an Akron Zip for Halloween, consider purchasing a legitimate Akron Zip’s former pair of shorts. How this got on EBay, no one knows...

A $61 1980s LSU T-SHIRT!

What? You want me to pay how much? For that?

Final Four Sideline Chair

Is this the most needlessly expensive folding chair of all-time? The 1995 Final Four, if you recall, was played in Seattle and won by UCLA. But apparently, you can buy a simple chair from the event for a DISCOUNTED PRICE of $425!

Grambling Tigers Jersey

Alright, we’ve made fun of a lot of listings, but this jersey is actually dope. AACA fits are all the rage these days. Go Tigers!

Kent Bazemore Game-Worn Jersey

If you are a huge fan of Kent Bazemore, you need to get your hands on one of his smelly jerseys from his time at Old Dominion. BAZEFANS, WHERE YOU AT?

San Diego State Women’s Basketball Jersey

This uniform design is so tight. A must-have for fans of 1980s San Diego State women’s basketball, or any woman who wants to one-up all those basic bros wearing NBA jerseys at music festivals.

Babson College Jersey

There is truly a baffling amount of Division III basketball fits online. D3 athletes are sometimes allowed to purchase their gear back from the university, so maybe that’s why.

Oregon State Beavers Crystal European Charm Bracelet

We’ll end this article with a link to an account which sells crystal charm bracelets for various Division I schools. Why anyone would pay $36 for this is beyond me. What you do think the ROI on these things are, like 5000%? Is this even sanctioned by the NCAA? No one knows.