clock menu more-arrow no yes

Offseason Content Generator: Mid-major conferences as haikus

New, 1 comment

Poetry, what crimes are committed in your name?

NCAA Basketball: NCAA Tournament-First Round-Farleigh Dickinson vs Gonzaga Gary A. Vasquez-USA TODAY Sports

I’m fresh out of ideas for extended offseason commentary, so this time I’ve come up with an original haiku for every single mid-major conference. Without further ado:

America East

Stony Brook, Vermont
Albany; they’re pretty good
Retrievers: legends

Atlantic 10

Most years, we argue
Six Atlantic Ten teams should
Make the Tournament

ASUN

Good name for a league
Lipscomb and FGCU
And Stetson Hatters

Big Sky

I have always found
the Big Sky under-covered
An upset? Would change.

Big South

Some really bad teams.
Some very good teams; often
bring brutality

Big West

So, is the Big West
better than the Pac-12? or
am I too early?

Colonial

The conference is good
Colonization is bad
Chaos, it lives here

C-USA

This is a grab bag
of random schools in the South
Weird TV contract

Horizon

IUPUI
is the best haiku school since
Northern Kentucky

Ivy League

“Ah, the Ivies play
fundamental basketball,”
they shout, from towers

MAAC

Metro Basketball?
Simple, eleven teams try
And Iona wins

MAC

MACtion basketball
is very entertaining
if you hate defense

MEAC

Here, at KenPom’s end
We find schools that play quite hard
and inefficient

Missouri Valley

People who enjoy
Scoring and fast breaks, please leave
Yikes, threes are further?!!!?!

NEC

Robert Morris beat
Kentucky that one time and
it was fantastic

Ohio Valley

Rick Byrd retired.
At least the other teams can
rejoice in my pain

Patriot

Here: service, small schools
occasional big upset
on paywalled TV

Southern

Wofford lost; so sad
The last trace of a conference
Critically acclaimed

Southland

The Lumberjacks are
best known from this collection...
Abilene Christian!

SWAC

These teams are quite fun
but the play-in game or the
16 seeds beckon

Sun Belt

They don’t say Fun Belt
for nothing; we’re expecting
a First Round upset

West Coast

Gonzaga, Mark Few
they’re a machine now, but don’t
forget good programs

WAC

Two new teams added
a conference spread everywhere
Geography? Pfft.

One more haiku

Mid-major Madness...
Why do you let Tristan Jung
produce this content?