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Cleveland State and IUPUI was bizarre and perfect

Love is behind the curtain at the Wolstein Center.

COLLEGE BASKETBALL: MAR 27 Cleveland State Dennis Felton Press Conference Photo by Frank Jansky/Icon Sportswire via Getty Images

Cleveland State playing IUPUI is completely inconsequential. There’s no rivalry aside from belonging to the Horizon; they’ve only played one another eight times before this Jan. 30 match-up.

Prior to the game, the two had combined for 14 wins and 30 losses this season. They’re not likely to pull off any miracle runs, they’re just sediment on the floor of college basketball, and that’s perfectly fine. Programs build, deteriorate, then build again.

When you watch two teams on Rebuild Street play against each other it’s a lot like lighting off fireworks alone. Something incredible is happening in front of you but there’s something empty that eats away at your soul, reminding you that life is fleeting, yet there was a voice driving you to blast some shells into the atmosphere for the enjoyment of one. How do you tell someone about the beauty you witnessed without facing their harsh and unrelenting judgment?

Easy! Take lots of pictures, send ‘em in group texts, and cry in the bathroom later!

Mid-Major Madness presents: The Visual Beauty Of IUPUI vs. Cleveland State.

1.

Here’s a list of things that are behind the Wolstein Center’s giant curtain:

  • Your keys
  • A bunch of rowdy dogs
  • A fully-functioning AT-AT with its lasers trained on a lucky fan
  • Statue of Lenin and Stalin kissing
  • Peter Thiel’s blood collection
  • The Tiananmen Square tank
  • Joseph Smith’s gold plates
  • My prom date’s dignity (I’m sorry Claire)
  • The real reason the Cuyahoga River caught fire
  • John Fanta

2.

Algevon Eichelberger decided to take a nap in the middle of the game. It’s important to sleep while in the throes of competition. Even if it’s just a micro nap, the benefits are plentiful. He is a smart man and he’s leading the country in progressive mental health measures for student athletes.

3.

Early 20s relationships are always tenuous. They need to be nurtured with attentiveness, patience, and kindness. What we see above are five people who attended a basketball game, two of which who seem to be at odds with one another. Perhaps it was the product on the court that’s driven them apart, but I find that doubtful because the chaotic beauty that was unfolding would force even the hardest of hearts together in an everlasting bond.

No, it wasn’t the competition, or the city of Cleveland, or the popped corn. What drove these two to use opposite end armrests was the disagreement on what shape a basketball should be. You can see it in their eyes. The man in the green sweatshirt prefers cubed; he loves jagged edges and eye injuries. He loves flat surfaces, boxes, and mid-70s office buildings.

The woman rocking the t-shirt atop the sweatshirt believes that it is best left round, the way it is currently. She loves spheres, planets, globes, and Epcot. She truly believes in aerodynamics and spin rate, gravity and droplets of dew on a blade of grass.

Unfortunately for the man, he is alone in this controversy. He’s on an island, and the longer he fantasizes about the bouncing cube, the angrier he gets that those around him can’t see its benefits. Those in staunch disagreement with him will spend the remainder of the game trying to convince him that the round ball is the best form, but he’ll be stubborn and cold. The drinks after the game will be silent, the white noise of the fuzzy Applebees television acting as their soundtrack, and he will go home, alone, to dream about the cube.

4.

Watching your opponent succeed can be stressful and depressing. It is OK for athletes to cry in the middle of the game when they watch their efforts go for naught. We’ve all needed to rest in the fetal position to blast moisture from our eyes. Tre Gomillion is no different.

5.

If Eichelberger hadn’t taken that nap he certainly wouldn’t have been able to make this play. This is exactly what we, the viewer, lusts to see in every basketball game. It is in these moments as we peer upon the hardwood that we feel alive. Vindication.

6.

Mustache Man: “Hey we all have sons. They are good boys. Last week my son ate an entire empanada and lov- hey Harley Man, what web site are you browsing?”

Harley Man: “I am on Mid-Major Madness dot com. It is a web site on the internet. It is full of good content that is sharable and enjoyable for people of all ages — even our sons’ ages!”

Goatee Man: “My sons love Mid-Major Madness dot com and their Twitter page.”

Mustache Man: “I will visit the web site when I return home to my significant other.”

Harley Man: “We have great sons. Mid-Major Madness is on Instagram. My sons are on Instagram. There is a lot of content available.”

Goatee Man: “I am not on Instagram but if I was I would visit the Mid-Major Madness profile and double-click all of their photos.”

Mustache Man: “We love our sons.”

7.

This was likely the most exciting basketball thing that happened all night. It brought a lot of joy, especially to Marcus Burk:

8.

OK there’s a lot going on here.

A. Apparently there’s something called Viketober Fest that takes place in February.

B. Cleveland State is asking you to call a phone number for more information on Viketober Fest in the year 2020.

C. Holding Viketober Fest the day they play the Norse seems like a power move that will likely provoke violence.

D. This camera shot is incredibly disorienting and the entire game should’ve been broadcast from it.

9.

The Viking’s Apple watch is telling him it’s time to cheer on the Vikes!

Actually it was letting him know that his heart rate was sky-high and an ambulance was being sent his way. According to reports, the Viking wasn’t taking his medication at the recommended times, causing his heart rate to spike.

As much as we hate the way our lives intersect with technology, the Viking was saved tonight thanks to his Apple watch. We can’t overlook that.

10.

This floating head stayed by the hand sanitzer all night, even though she did not have hands to sanitize. Of all the upsetting things to encounter during this game, this ranks right up there with the off-center behind-the-basket cam.