clock menu more-arrow no yes mobile

Filed under:

The Only Bracket Simulation That Matters

The NCAAU is here to stay.

Big 12 Basketball Tournament - Quarterfinals Photo by Ed Zurga/Getty Images

Author’s Note: This is yet another NCAA Tournament simulation, but ours is the best...for reasons you will see below. With at least another month until any kind of normal life can be conceived, we are left with this.

Introducing...the NCAAU - (National Collegiate Athletics in an Alternate Universe)

BREAKING: Russ “Blog Daddy” Steinberg Named Emergency NCAA President

After yet another NCAA scandal, the powers that be have made a momentous change. Through an arcane presidential succession process that went to find the most senior, unbiased voice in college sports, they have tapped Mid-Major Madness blog mastermind Russell “Blog Daddy” Steinberg as NCAA president.

This news was accompanied by an immediate announcement that, due to anti-corruption measures, the NCAA Tournament will be contested solely by “mid-major” basketball teams. When asked for comment, President Steinberg simply said: “I want to see what would happen.”

In what will likely be seen as a necessary if not slightly controversial move, the decision was a culmination of weeks of public groundbreaking accounts and shocking testimony to the FBI implying that dozens of Power 5, AAC and Big East programs were participating in “quid pro quos.”

The selection show will proceed as scheduled this Friday at 6 p.m. ET, but will be broadcast on the Mid-Major Madness website instead of CBS.

Many mid-major coaches and athletic directors expressed their gratitude on their Myspace accounts. Some felt as if justice had finally been served, while others were merely thankful that their hard-fought seasons would be rewarded.

The decision was met with shock and vitriol, however, from many non-mid-major programs. In a twist, several officials from high-majors faulted the “system” for forcing them to commit infractions. Several journalists drew parallels with these complaints to the way mid-major officials have long griped at a system that constantly expects them to schedule tougher, yet often renders them unable to come to scheduling agreements with college basketball’s elite.

“With all the cheating going on in the power conferences nowadays, every power program has to cheat just to keep up. How can we be held at fault for cheating?” one athletic director rhetorically asked during his media availability. Another program official commented, “This is just so unfair. The mid-majors get all the advantages, every year.”

At least one program that recently moved from mid-major to high-major sought eligibility for this year’s tournament. A representative from Wichita State’s athletic department stated that the program would seek admittance into the field, owing to its “longstanding mid-major heritage.”

However, Steinberg was notified of the Shockers’ plea as he departed his press conference, and his response was “No take-backsies!” as he looked directly into the camera. He then went on a rant about how UConn was leaving the American for good.

Steinberg disagreed with the notion that viewership would decline as a result of the decision.

“Every year the storylines coming into the tournament are the same,” Steinberg said. “We’re always frustrated that the SoCon didn’t get more than one bid, or wondering if this is the year that Jay Wright is gonna win the big one. Well, spoiler alert. It’s not. It never is. We actually think the intrigue surrounding the tournament will undoubtedly increase by only including mid-majors.”

There’s no word on whether his position as editor in chief of noted sports blog “Mid-Major Madness” factored into the decision.

Folks, here’s how this works. We made a bracket of ONLY mid-majors. Kansas, Duke, and Villanova are out. Furman, North Texas, and Northern Iowa are in. You cannot stop us, you can only hope to contain it.

A full Selection Show will be recorded, hopefully before Friday. We hope to see you there.