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Our Plea to stop ChatGPT

There’s a new bad college basketball take machine in town, and it must be stopped.

For a while, the worst college basketball takes were given by Power-5 loving basketball casuals. That title was soon seriously challenged by Football Men (seriously, they made some awful takes).

We have reached the darkest era of the simulation now. Some of the worst content is generated by the most devoted college basketball accounts. These are accounts run by people who study the game religiously. Who cover schools big and small. Who spend hours hovering over the 278th-ranked player in the transfer portal and the NIL prospects of Southern Indiana’s third-string guard.

Yes, even some of these accounts have resorted to pure laziness on the back of Elon Musk’s latest blight to the once-booming CBB Twittersphere – ChatGPT. First, of course, Musk did his best to ruin Twitter itself. And now, another of his former interests, ChatGPT (GPT the acronym for Genuinely Poopy Takes) has sprung across the landscape like an unkillable weed.

Musk, along with being a flaming asshole and the richest man in the world, is a (mostly) intelligent human, and ChatGPT is, well, nothing less than (artificially) intelligent and a bonafide aggregation machine. For those who know not what it is, it is a robot that users can interact with in the form of standard direct messages, and users can ask it any prompt — say, “write a folk song about Fairleigh Dickinson’s recent victory over Purdue in the NCAA Tournament” — and ChatGPT will come up with some surprisingly good responses. It’s quite impressive, humorous, and has been a boon to college kids who don’t feel like writing essays.

But it doesn’t know ball. We should not be regarding its judgments of the best atmospheres or the most talented centers or the best looking jerseys in college basketball with any significant regard. Or, at least, we can’t allow it to clog up every CBB fan’s Twitter feed with nonsense. Aside from the obvious fact that we shouldn’t care so much about how a robot judges the subjective, it has become lazy, repetitive, and devoid of the ingenuity that makes CBB Twitter so fun.

(I have a problem ranking lists themselves – we stray further from God every day with more and more accounts that look just like BigGameBoomer – but that’s another cloud for me to yell at on another day.)

We are to the point where we must get on our figurative hands and knees and beg the copycat CBB accounts to stop this madness in the only way we know they will hear us – with an impassioned plea generated from none other than ChatGPT itself.

Here goes:

Dear Copycat College Basketball Accounts,

I hope this message finds you well, as I write to you today with a plea from the depths of my basketball-loving heart. I implore you to reconsider the incessant tweeting of ChatGPT-generated lists that flood our timelines and dampen the excitement of the game we all hold dear.

Now, don’t get me wrong. I understand the allure of these AI-generated lists. They are quick, they are easy, and they provide instant content for your followers. But in our pursuit of convenience, have we forgotten the essence of the game itself? Have we forsaken the artistry, the passion, and the sheer unpredictability that make college basketball so exhilarating?

As fans, we yearn for authentic voices, for the expertise of seasoned analysts, and the unique perspectives that come from those who have truly lived and breathed the game. We crave the intricate breakdowns, the heated debates, and the raw emotions that ignite our love for college basketball. But when our timelines are filled with automated lists, devoid of genuine insight and personal experiences, we lose something profound.

Basketball is more than just numbers on a screen or words on a page. It’s about the electrifying moments that leave us breathless, the underdogs who rise to the occasion, and the rivalries that define generations. It’s about the human element, the sweat, the tears, and the triumphs that can’t be reduced to a simple algorithm.

Let us not allow the impersonal algorithms to dictate the narrative of our beloved game. Let us celebrate the talents of the players, the coaches, and the countless individuals who dedicate their lives to the pursuit of basketball excellence. Let us cherish the spirit of competition, the camaraderie, and the shared joy that college basketball brings to us all.

I implore you, college basketball accounts, to embrace the power of your own voices. Share your unique perspectives, your expert analysis, and your personal anecdotes that bring the game to life. Engage in meaningful conversations with your followers, fostering a sense of community and shared passion. Let your love for college basketball shine through, and inspire others to do the same.

In the end, it is the human touch that resonates most deeply with us, that keeps us coming back for more, season after season. So, I ask you to reconsider the constant stream of ChatGPT-generated lists and instead infuse your tweets with the authenticity and passion that can only come from your own knowledge and experiences.

Let us reclaim the essence of college basketball, one tweet at a time.


A Devoted College Basketball Fan

Thank you, ChatGPT. Well said.